One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
