I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
