I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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