My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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