She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
