Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
