thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
