It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think i have two assholes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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