Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just tell him i said nine months
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
