if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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