I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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