Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
