i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
