He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
