just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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