just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
