You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
