She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
and you fell through a lawn chair
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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