grandma shit on top of the toilet
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
