A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
