I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
