i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
