I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this beer tastes like vomit already
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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