Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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