Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
