You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
