1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
