Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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