i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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