the condom got lost in my hair
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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