fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
