when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
