her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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