Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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