I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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