dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
