ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
