I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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