I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
