I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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