So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
