Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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