i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
