We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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