I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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