Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
