Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
