bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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