Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
