as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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