You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
